Democratic Convention

Announcer Dude (AD): Welcome to the Democratic National Convention!!!!!!!!!! First up speaking we have runner-up, Carlisle Cullen!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carlisle: Thank you. Thank you ALL for voting, and though I didn't win, I think it's important for us to vote L president.
Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Carlisle: So though the road may be tough, we'll tough it together!!!!
Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carlisle: Let's go win a nation!!!!!
Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
AD: Next speaking, we'll have Near, also known as Nate River, the vice presidential candidate speak!!!
Near: *is not there*
AD: Um.... Near!!!
Near: *still is not there*
AD: Er,..... we'll take this short break to show you the cool new inflatable microwave that doesn't even heat food!!!!
Near: *runs in* Am I late??? Did I miss anything????????
Audience: *STARE*
Near: Oh. Well, I'm here today to tell you that... that... *looks at notecards* those inflatable microwaves don't work!!!!
Audience: *holds back laughter*
Near: Oh, sorry. Am I supposed to be doing a speech???
AD: Yeah....
Near: Okey dokey, problem solved. I'll have this little robot of me do the speech. I call him.... THE ROBO-NEAR 2000000!!!!!!
Audience: *BLINK*
Robo-Near 2000000: *BLOWS UP*
Near: Oh drat. Okay, I'm not very good at public speaking, but I'll say this. When L becomes president, no one will die cruelly or unusually. We'll all just die of heart attacks.
Audience: AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
L: Trust Near to screw up the one sentence he has to say....
Near: Oops.
AD: Okay.....??? Next, we have the one, the only.... L!!!!!
L: Hi. *takes bite of cake, then throws it into the audience, crazy fangirl catches it and starts licking it* Okay, that's nasty.... Well, back to my speech. What Near was trying to say, is that we'll stop Kira once and for all, and no one will die unfairly. NOT EVEN of a heart attack, Near!!!!
Near: *cringes* Sorry.....
L: I will make sure no one has his free will taken away from them. I will lower taxes, and have everyone pay a little insurance each month, so in time they'll have a lot. Also I will promote healthcare, and no one will have to die because they can't afford health care. It will be free for those who need it. Also, I'll make sure that every orphan has a place to stay, and a place to learn how to read, write, do science, math, and learn how to live their life. I will make sure all schools are teaching their students everything they need to know and more. I will raise expectations on tests, but just to make sure every child gets a good education. There will be no "dropping out" of school. It just won't be allowed, because every child needs to learn. No child will not get to go to school because they are homeless, poor, or orphaned. The standards for private schools will be the new standards for public schools!
Also, we will not go to war with other countries unless it is absolutely nessecary. We will make sure there is no other choice first. We will always negotiate before violence.
So vote, people, vote!!! Let's win this nation!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Near: I liked my line better.....